i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
