hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
