sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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