Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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