You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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