I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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