My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
