I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
