I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
