Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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