oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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