Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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