I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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