My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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