White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
