I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
