anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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