I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
