margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
