Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
