dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
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