btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
