She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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