I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
