I just pynch a tree in the face
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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