In America we eat man semen.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
