I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
