Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
