New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
