The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
