I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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