it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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