4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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