I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
