I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
