I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
This girl is more easily done than said...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
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