Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Randomize
