Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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