I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
