Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So much Jack, so little girl.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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