Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
