all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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