she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
