i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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