at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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