smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
