Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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