Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
His hands were made for my vagina.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
