Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
