Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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