ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
