Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
