Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
