Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
