I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
