im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
