Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
