if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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