Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
