I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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