o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
